I’m trying to be more likable.

I know that’s a weird thing to say.

But it’s one of those uncomfortable truths we dare not speak:

Likable people get their way.

It’s much easier to build powerful networks, land exciting job offers, and nail great projects if people like you. Not to mention the pay — oh, the sweet, sweet dollars at the top.

Now I’m not prickly, or shitty, or bad to be around, per se. But I’m also happy to admit that I’m not the coolest dude in any room. I mean, I’m writing this bloody blog post, for starters…

But on this journey to become more likable, I’ve learned something great:

Popularity and likeability are actually quite simple.

In fact, it all boils down to one thing:

Attunement

When I first stopped and thought about what made someone cool, I imagined innate traits. Attractiveness, athleticism, intelligence, or humor — the stuff Heath Ledger and Chris Hemsworth are made of.

It just feels like popularity is something that you can’t learn, you know?

Turns out I was wrong. And here’s the proof.

Researchers at Columbia University studied brain images of school kids, who were shown pictures of other kids in their class.

The researchers made two findings that significantly changed my understanding of likability.

First, when the kids looked at pictures of popular people from their group, the reward center of their brain lit up.

Popular people actually make us feel good.

This makes sense. That feeling of liking someone, of enjoying their company, is a chemical response in our brain.

That is a very powerful thing to be able to do (yes I know, Uncle Ben).

But now think about this second thing they found:

When popular kids looked at photos of other popular kids, they had a huge brain response — bigger than other kids.

The popular kids were more switched on to social signals, hierarchy, and relationships. They were more attuned to people.

To put it another way:

Popular people care about other people.

This is huge news!

I think this is quite a big deal.

If you are popular, you make people feel good. And to become popular, you must care about other people.

It’s not about being sleazy, or salsey, or tricking people into liking you. You don’t need to change who you are or ‘hack’ your personality.

Instead, you just need to do one thing:

Switch on your people signal

To make people care about you, you also need to care about people.

Maybe it’s like putting on a set of ‘People Glasses’ (or that Power Level Tracker from Dragon Ball Z).

The glasses give you a reading of the people around you — who they are, what they care about, where they fit in the social hierarchy.

And as you begin to digest this information and pay more attention, you naturally change the way you behave and interact.

People register that you care about them and are interested in their interests. Your genuine interest is the lubricant for great rapport. (Sounds ew, but it’s true!)

I hope this helps.

This fact has changed how I think, and I hope it helps you.

Because I care about you.

Do you care about me too?