Why you always lose your keys (hint: it’s not a failure of memory)
Nothing makes me feel more stupid, scatterbrained, and flat-out mad than losing my keys.
Except for walking into the kitchen and forgetting why I went there. Or not being able to remember the name of that guy I just met. Or recalling literally nothing from the 1-hour lecture I just sat through.
Basically, I really, really hate it when my memory fails. And you probably do too — it’s a terrible feeling.
For me, it’s a quick spiral into ‘my memory sucks. I’m hopeless. I’m always losing everything.’
But as I’ve learned about how memory works, I’ve realized that my memory isn’t the problem. And it’s probably not yours either.
The last time I lost my keys
Think about the last time you lost your keys.
You stumble into the door, shopping bags cutting into your hands, your free fingers awkwardly clawing the mail, and your toddler incessantly petitioning to watch TV.
You chuck the mail on the hallway stand, dump the milk in the fridge so it doesn’t go off, and cave into your two-year-old Master’s demands to put Spiderman on the TV (the cool one with Black Spiderman, of course).
Realizing you’ve left dinner in the car, you go out to grab your keys but of course — you can't find them anywhere.
You cannot remember where you put them. No matter how hard you try, replaying the last five minutes in your head, you cannot find the keys in your mind. Your memory has failed.
Or has it? Have you actually forgotten?
Maybe, you never created the memory in the first place. Maybe, this is not a failure of memory, but a failure of attention.
Attention > Memory
Your brain is not a video camera, says Neuroscientist and author of Remember, Lisa Genova.
Instead of recording every single sight, sound and smell we are exposed to, our brains only capture and retain what we pay attention to. Makes sense — it would be exhausting to remember every moment of the 57,600 seconds in every day.
So if we want to remember something, says Genova, we need to notice what is going on.
“The number one reason for forgetting what you just said, a person’s name, where you put your phone, and whether you already drove over a really big bridge is lack of attention. ”
If you didn’t notice where you put your keys, amongst the chaos of your walk in the door, you can’t form a memory of where you put them.
When you’re frustrated and unable to find them, you’re not experiencing a failure of memory. You are experiencing a failure of attention.
A new problem
In one sense, this is a relief. I don’t have early-onset Alzheimer's and my memory isn’t as bad as a fish.
But this also presents a new problem (a big one):
How do you actually pay attention to routine, mundane things like where your keys go?
Paying attention is not our brain’s natural state. As Genova says, ‘your default inattentive brain is zoned out, daydreaming, on autopilot, and full of constant background, repetitive thinking. You cannot create a new memory in this state.’
To overcome the inertia of our natural inattentiveness, we need to upgrade our focus. For example, if you want to remember the name of the person you just met, Genova suggests:
“Once the name is spoken, you’ll have the sound of Bob’s name available in your brain for about fifteen to thirty seconds. If you don’t add the neural input of your attention, Bob’s name will quickly disappear into the ether. His name will never be consolidated by your hippocampus and stored as a memory.”
We have a short window to use effort to pay attention and create memories, whether it’s a new name or where we put our keys.
And the truth is that this window is the key to becoming more organized, less forgetful, and less stressed out.
Two tips to takeaway
In summary, there are two ways to create memories that stick — so you never lose your keys again
- Pay attention with conscious effort. It’s not easy to focus on what you’re doing. But being more mindful of your actions is the first step to forming better memories.
- Remove distractions. If you want to improve your memory, try minimizing or removing things that distract you. That might be hard when you are juggling the shopping and a screaming toddler. But maybe you unload the shopping in stages: first the kid, then the milk, then the keys. In addition, Genenova says that getting enough sleep, meditating and a little caffeine are other powerful distraction fighters and can enhance your ability to pay attention and establish long-term memories.
The first step (or even the key) to a better memory is paying more attention.
That’s a relief — and a new challenge for us all.
